Hanging on....

Work has been once again very crazy these past week and I keep telling myself that it's going to get better and all I need to do is just to hang in there. For a day or two, things seemed brighter and easier to survive but shortly after, work starts descending on you like a ton of bricks again.

Take today for example, I reached the office around 6:50am and before I could even stop to check my emails, a colleague came by to ask me to settle some stuff. And with the change in deployment to my department lately, I have to shadow another new colleague who is coming in. I don't particularly hate doing it but to have to watch over someone is really tiring, especially when you fear that he is going to mess things up and you have to clear up the mess after him. Shortly after, my boss messages me to take minutes for today's meeting at 8am. Great. I really don't need to know this at 7:15am while I am rushing to pick up 4 different forms from a bunch of clowns who perpetually refuse to bring their forms when told to do so. I was a little curt in my reply to the Boss and left my desk soon for the usual morning rhetoric.

In between breaks today I realised for the first time since I started this job (it took me 5 years to realise this) that leaving the office to go to the stage transports me to another world. And in this world, I only need to perform, entertain and discipline. It provides me shelter from the hustle and bustle in the ivory tower that once used to be a source of respite from the stage. It's so ironic that I used to drag going to stage and love hiberating myself in the tower but now the tower only embodies work and more work for me. I can't seem to stay for long periods in there anymore, hole myself up and just clear all my work because once I'm in there, other more (un)important stuff bog me down and zap all my energy.

Where is that passion that once filled my life to make a difference in this world? I'm still searching high and low for it but I can't seem to find it anymore...